Wump is Me

by PunyWump

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02:28

about

Comedy music about heartbreak.

Individual tracks are available for free download, but you should definitely kick me a few bucks if you are in a position to. I poured a lot of time and love into this strange bullshit.

credits

released January 29, 2017

Instrumentation, vocals, and recording performed by PunyWump

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Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

about

PunyWump Austin, Texas

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Track Name: Such a Puny Wump
Lemme just get this out of the way
For the next six songs, I'll do and say
A lot of things that don't portray
The healthiest examples of how to treat your loved ones

Mary! Mary! Mary! Mary! Mary, it's George! Don't you know me? What's happened to us?

I don't know you! Let me go!

Mary! Please! Oh, don't do this to me! Please, Mary! Help me! Where's our kids? I need you, Mary!

-Screams-

Let me go! That's my wife!
Track Name: Slug
I am not your hero
I am just a slug
Capable of slime
Capable of love
I am in your garden
I am on your lawn
I observe you
As I slowly move on
I wish I could be with you
But you’re not a slug
You don’t want my slime
You don’t want my love
You don’t want to let me
Slide across your head
You don’t want to hold me
You won’t share your bed

You won’t ever love me and there’s nothing I can do
Sliding through my sadness slowly slithering to you

Every day is torture
All I do is wait
I watch you sleep with Chad
After every date
He doesn’t really love you
I don’t think he can
He is an embodiment
The vanity of man
I can give you kindness
Humility and love
He will not support you
When push comes to slug
I will be here for you
Hiding in your lawn
I will watch and love you
Every dusk and every dawn

You won’t ever love me and there’s nothing I can do
Sliding through my sadness slowly slithering to you

I wish I were not a slug so you would give me all your love
I wish I were not a slug so you would give me all your love

Sure, it isn’t healthy
I don’t care
Others come and go
I’ll always be there
I’m so fucking lonely
Without you by my side
Slugs do not have friends
Slugs do not have wives
Please, I need fulfillment
I’m begging for your love
I hate not having agency
I hate being a slug
I hate my fucking life
And I hate Chad, too
I take all my self loathing
And I place the weight on you

You won’t ever love me and there’s nothing I can do
Sliding through my sadness slowly slithering to you
Track Name: The Ballad of Deborah and Eugene
Fuck off Eugene, you drunk son of a bitch!
I never loved you! you’re a fat sack of piss

What the fuck deborah, get out of my house!
Take your japanese shoes and your button up blouse!
Did you ever stop and think what you’re doing is wrong?
Did you forget about our life and the kids and the dog?

They’re my kids, Eugene, and the little dog too!
My button up blouse and my japanese shoes
I’m never coming back to your shithole home
I hope you shit yourself twice and break your xylophone.

Fuck right off, Deborah, I’m through with your shit!
Every single time you say you’re calling it quits
Who will pay the little one’s karate class bills?
You’d have to find work, but you don’t have any skills.
Who is gonna buy you new kaleidoscope pants
with the sparkles on the side for the high school dance.

I hate you eugene, you’ve ruined my life.
I’d kill you right here if I could handle a knife
I can get a job and support the kids too
Maybe surprise jimothy with alchemy boots.
You’ve only held me back with your blow up doll face.
These last fifteen years were a big fucking waste.
For once I think I’m gonna do what I fucking want
I’ll leave your fat ass, and take the kids to vermont

Again with Vermont, deborah! When will it stop?
The only work that’s there is at the rotary shop.
I wish you’d stop and think. I wish you’d fucking learn.
It’s a fucking miracle you didn’t crash and burn.

You’re an evil man, Eugene. You’re bad outta hell.
With your kerosine dreams and your dinnertime bell.
Don’t try and find me when you get yourself sober.
We both know you’ll fail, this marriage is over!

You’ll never walk, Deborah, you pickle nosed coward
You’ve always been a sucker for my alchemy powers
You wanna leave, Fine! Get outta my house!
Take your japanese shoes and your button up blouse.
Pack a fucking bag and find the next train,
and don’t let me see your fat fuck face again!
You whore!
Track Name: It Would Be Weird
How do I let you know
I’ve been thinking about you at night
Going on a year now,
without coming on too strong?
How do I let you know,
Without being creepy
That I just wanna hold you in my arms
And let you know how much you mean to me
A lover and a friend.

Well I can’t do that
It would be uncomfortable
You know how it would end

How do I tell you clearly
That I wanna hold you dearly
And I just want to love you
And fuck the shit out of you, without ruining our friendship?
How do I make you understand
That I just wanna hold your hand
And your thighs and chest and bottom
And for you to hold my scrottum
Without it being weird?

Well I can’t do that.
You know full well
It would be weird.
Track Name: Deborah Dreams of Vermont
Everything I’ll ever want
is waiting for me in Vermont.
I’ll pony up and leave the bay,
To see Vermont another day
(Repeat)

Dale is good to the kids and me, why do the gossips care
That I met him on eHarmony? There’s lots of folks on there.
I’ll raise my family in ecstacy, on vermont’s plateaus.
Fuck what Eugene expects of me, I’ll give vermont a go!
It’s got the 3rd best public schools in the world, and the prisons they cant be beat!
I need to make it there for my boy and girl, won’t need Eugene to make ends meet.
I’ll make it there and the world will see, the world will see me fly!
I can almost taste the Vermont Hennessee, and the Knuckle berry pie!

Everything I’ll ever want
is waiting for me in Vermont.
I’ll pony up and leave the bay,
To see Vermont another day
Oh Vermont, I’m comin quick
I’ve got my california stick
I’ve got my shoes, I’ve got my hat
We’ll hit vermont, Just fancy that!

There’s always free karate class for vermontinian kids!
You can always find a fishin bass, if you’ve got the highest bid.
It’s got the most phils per capita of all the fifty states
The youngins won’t even laugh at ya- or your online date
I’ll find a job at the rotary shop, probably just crankin gears
There’s always extra soda pop if you dry the boss’s ears
It’s the home of maserati cars, and no wash ten nis shoes
Vermont’s the place away too far I can’t afford to lose!

Oh vermont, I’m comin for ya face first to the wind.
I am deborah palikova, won’t you let me in?
My life is in shambles, and I need vermont’s grace
Pack your parka Jimothy, we’re gonna leave this place

V-E-R-M-O-N-T OH!
V-E-R-M-O-N-T OH!
V-E-R-M-O-N-T OH!
V-E-R-M-O-N-T OH!

Vermont! (Riff on it)
Track Name: ACATFTCWTIOBA (Maria)
I miss you a lot
I miss you a lot
I shouldn’t have left
I wish I had thought
I wish I had loved you
I wish I had cared
I wish you were here
I wish I were there.
I wish I had tried
To make things work
I wish I wasn’t
Such a selfish jerk
I wish I had loved you
I wish I had cared
I wish you were here
I wish I were there

As long as we are both alive
And squishy, flawed, uncompromising
You know full well I will be
In love with you so hopelessly
And asking you to take me back
Is such a selfish load of crap
My desperate imperfect plea
Oh won’t you please grow old with me?

I wish I could
Apologize
For all the hurt
And all the lies
The promises
I couldn’t keep
All the times
I didn’t weep
We’re not who we
Were dreaming of
But now that push
Has come to slug
We’ve been through hell
So many times
I need to change
I need to try

As long as we are both alive
And squishy, flawed, uncompromising
You know full well I will be
In love with you so hopelessly
And asking you to take me back
Is such a selfish load of crap
My desperate imperfect plea
Oh won’t you please grow old with me?

If I come home, will you please marry me?
Life without you’s fucking scaring me
Don’t know how I left so readily
Who will share a twin sized bed with me?
I can fix my selfish tendencies
We’ll cope with our codependency
Insecurity and jealousy
Life without you’s fucking hell to me

As long as we are both alive
And squishy, flawed, uncompromising
You know full well I will be
In love with you so hopelessly
And asking you to take me back
Is such a selfish load of crap
My desperate imperfect plea
Oh won’t you please grow old with me?
Track Name: Eugene Dies
The kids are gone, that bitch to blame! The only fucking thing remains
persisting overwhelming shame that things will never be the same
Endless nights of whiskey pot and infidelity forgetten
Wishing that we hadn’t fought in every fit of feeling rotten
The stench of liquor on my skin the only judgement of my sin
is fucking judgement from within, my skull feels like it’s caving in
The tragedy’s becoming clear, I fucking miss you deborah, dear
These lonely nights of tears for fears and lean cuisine and costco beer
it’s not enough, I hate my life, I fucking miss my fucking wife
I fucking miss my fucking wife, I fucking miss my fucking wife

I know I know I know that what I did to you was wrong.
The irony of knowing what I should have all along
It’s way too fucking late to fix the problems that I made
I wish I could have changed before the love began to fade

The bed’s too big, the night’s too long, the half and half is almost gone
I live a lie, it isn’t fine. There’s too much quiet all the time
The supertarget’s filled with dust, my boss smells like the city bus
I stock the shelves, it never ends, the hula hoops and jelly pens.
Bitter hours of harsh reflection, crying in the produce section
Children staring, wond’ring why the sweaty balding worker guy
is breathing heavy near the chips. I’m fucking done, I hate this shit.
The job, the house, the in-between, the emptiness of everything.
It’s not enough, I miss my wife, I fucking hate my fucking life
I fucking hate my fucking life, I fucking hate my fucking life.

I know I know I know that what I did to you was wrong.
The irony of knowing what I should have all along
It’s way too fucking late to fix the problems that I made
I wish I could have changed before the love began to fade

It’s not enough just screaming that I’m sorry at the wall
Excruciation knowing I can’t get to you at all
all consuming loneliness is overwhelming me
every night it begs the question be or not to be

Utter fucking worthlessness is all that I can feel
The time slips through my fingers but the wounds refuse to heal
I stand here with the xanax doing anything to stall
The time has come the wait is over, goodbye to you all.